Okay so here it is, the big post we all knew was coming. I’ll just say it and get past the obvious part of all this WE ARE PREGNANT!!! I know, I know, some people are like- what’s the big deal? Well, we finally did it! It has been a long journey and while we may not be crossing the finish line for a while still, we finally made it to the race.
This whole journey started for me in February 2010 when I decided that we should have a baby. I didn’t tell my husband- boyfriend at the time- since I knew he would turn me down and look at me like I was crazy. I also knew it would be a little tricky, but low and behold in April we found out we were pregnant. It was so romantic! I cried, he looked me like I just grew 2 more heads, we had a shot gun wedding at the courthouse- okay, so maybe not romantic. A month later we lost the baby and I we were devastated. In September, Nick left for an 11 month deployment to Iraq.
The next year was full of waiting and wanting to ripe my hair out. Nick came home for R&R for 2 weeks in April 2011. I hoped that between the relief (and excitement :) ) of him being home and celebrating his birthday and our 1st anniversary we would make some magic happen. Sadly, the magic escaped us and we had we wait the remaining 4 months for him to come home. Once August rolled around and he was home for good, we took up right where we had left off. Try, try and try again.
Finally, in July 2012 I went to the doctor. We had to wait another month to be deemed as having “fertility problems”, since it hadn’t quite been a solid year of trying. Once the year was up, there were a couple of tests and in September I was officially diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)- meaning I have small cysts that grow on my ovaries and prevent ovulation. I was then prescribed Clomid to help with the problem and OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and told to go forth and…well, you know.
In mid October, we got the smiley face saying was go time and a pain staking 19 days later we were seeing two pink lines. We where over the moon! So excited that our journey was over. At Christmas we announced it to the whole family- and Facebook. But our bubble of happiness was about to be abruptly popped. On January 3rd, 2013 our first ultrasound revealed they was no baby in sight. I was so heartbroken I started to have an anxiety attack right there on the table. After 2 weeks of blood work and ultrasounds I had a D&C to remove the tissue left behind. There were 4 or more weeks of blood work and lab tests until was deemed “normal” again. After so much devastation and with a pending move to Hawaii in April, we decided we would wait a while. I was emotionally exhausted and just couldn’t take the counting and waiting and heartache anymore. We stopped the Clomid and started packing.
We left Virginia on April 19th and headed to Iowa to visit family and drop off Nick’s Jeep. It helped my broken heart to spend time with our nieces and nephew- Ana- 2, T-Rose- 1 and Vahnny- 1 1/2. We were even surprised when Nick’s little brother flew in unexpectedly. It was April 24th when we went to dinner and the unthinkable happened…I got car sick. Not being one to get whoosy in the back seat, I took a test that night. Somehow, we had manged to make a miracle. We have conceived without fertility meds or OPKS, without counting and charting.
The next 5 weeks where hell. We were so nervous and cautious, neither of us wanted to get too attached. I would lay awake at night with my hands on my belly begging the baby to be strong, to have a heartbeat. I just kept thinking- I can’t go through that again. Then it came…the doctor’s appointment. Nick took off work to go with me and hand in hand we walked into the room, he sat next to table, holding my wallet and clothes. They took the vital and did the usual measuring and checks. Then the moment came. They wheeled the ultrasound machine in and it was time. I reached for Nick’s hand and held my breathe. As soon as the wand touched my skin I felt a little twitch form Nick’s hand and there it was. A small baby facing fully forward and dancing on the screen! I started to cry as the tension just melted away. The whole ride home we were smiling like fouls and looking at the sonogram saying “we did it” over and over again.
We are now 14 weeks along and everything seems normal and healthy. We can’t wait to meet this little one we have waited so long for and tried so hard to get. Our family is growing and we couldn’t be happier! So for all of you out there that have been trying and waiting and feel like it will never happen, keep going! It’s hard to find a rainbow in the forest, but it is possible and that much more precious when you do.
Lucky Charms are even more magically delicious when your pregnant and craving them constantly!
Freya is looking forward to being a big sister and loves to cuddle with my belly in the mornings!